Cerberus C-Blocking GM, Chrysler Merger?

While General Motors and Chrysler parent Cerberus play footsies under the soon to be Thanksgiving table the world is coming to an end. Guys, let’s stop kissing here and start fucking! Seems the holdup is Cerberus, they want an equity stake in the new company to which I would say “kiss my ass Nardelli” if I were the GM board.

Why?

Because half of the problem with Chrysler is internal since they are being run as an asset of a buyout firm and not like an automobile manufacturer. Need proof? How about Chrysler’s lifetime power train warranty, last time they offered the 7/70 program it almost bankrupted the joint. What I can’t figure out is this; isn’t there some mid-level manager at Chrysler who lived through that mess who had the balls to stick up his hand and say this won’t work, it will cripple us. Why doesn’t Detroit learn from their friggin mistakes? You know, before I get crazy let me stick to the topic.

Boardroom shuffle

If I were President of the world I would drive Rick Wagoner into the desert in a hybrid Suburban with Joe Pesci, and only two of us would be going for soft serve later. Then, I would pay Bob Lutz whatever it would take to let him run the combined company. I would dump that friggin’ corporate headquarters they have and make them all work out of my fuckin’ basement till they turned a profit.

Then I would take a fishing trip

Me, Bob Lutz, Joe Pesci (just in case) and Ron Gettelfinger, head of the United Auto Workers union with a couple cases of beer and Doritos to convince this fucker that I can’t keep paying the healthcare of EVERYONE in Michigan, and that if we couldn’t work out a new deal I would sell the whole fucking place to the Chinese; who you know has always had a warm place in their hearts for labor disputes. So get this deal done, now, before Obama has to come here 6 months from now and put a bullet in our heads for letting not one, but two U.S. industrial powerhouses collapse.