American Airlines Offers Internet Access….For a Fee Of Course!

This is why the American airline industry is a joke. American Airlines announced yesterday that they were going to provide in-flight internet access providing air based e-mail, web and other online services. The service is fine, I mean whatever these guys can do to generate revenue is a good thing.

Here’s the problem..

While slashing services and implementing new fees across the board, a new product that people could actually use is a great idea. Problem is, like the AirFone, it is priced completely wrong. American is introducing the service for $12.95 per flight on flights connecting New York with Los Angeles, San Francisco and Miami.

Herein lies the rub….

That’s how much I paid for a month of dial-up back in the day. I know it’s not dial-up and I know it’s an internet connection at thirty thousand feet. But why not $9.99 or $4.99? The take rate would more than enough to make up the difference.

But the airlines have never been good at pricing. They have their software that continues to add $100 dollar bills to the total the closer you get to takeoff and that’s how they price everything.

But it’s internet service so they should have a hit on their hands. Now, they need to give you enough room to open your laptop and be able to actually work while you’re flying the friendly skies!

US Airways: No Water For You!

With rising costs and enormous losses in the airline industry, the carriers need pull out all the stops to cut the hemorrhaging and salvage any business they can.

US Airways has taken cost cutting measures to the extreme. While most airlines have invoked baggage fees for second bags, and others charge you for everything you want to bring on the plane, the boys and girls over at US Air want to charge you for…well, what you are going to take off the plane.

What Could I be talking about?

These effers are going to start charging you for water…that’s right, not a type o, WATER! The essence of life. And that essence of life has a price tag, and that price tag is $2 bucks.

That’s right, $2 dollars. From the company that brought you “hide and seek” with your luggage, it’s nice to know they can still look you in the eye and eff you for $2 dollars at the same time, all the while shipping your stuff to a better destination than the place you are going.

To make matters worse, first class is exempt from the extra fee. Of course they are right? Bastards. But not to worry, I did some homework and a flight from New York to LA with fourteen days advanced notice costs $189 in coach, while that same flight in first class is a $1097. So if you think about it, while the water in coach may cost you $2, it is costing the A-hole in first class $908. Just keep it in perspective and it won’t hurt so much!

UPDATE:

Filed Under: Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse:

New JetBlue charge: $7 pillow, blanket

Airline company says comfort kit is latest item to boost revenue amidst high fuel costs, joining charges for leg room, checked bag, and ticket change.

US Air To Pilots: Don’t Top Off!

This has to be the most ef’d up story this month. Seems US Air is trying to increase fuel efficiency by….USING LESS EFFING FUEL! That’s right boys and girls, US Airways pilot’s union said yesterday that the airline is hammering pilots to use less fuel than they feel is safe in order to cut costs.

Get ready, this is going to hurt. WTF are you guys thinking? How could you possibly recommend to a pilot who is responsible for an airplane full of husbands and wives, sons and daughters, and moms and dads to cut costs by reducing fuel? Let me paint a picture here, these pilots, many of them former military, are being told to fly planes without enough fuel in case of emergency by superiors who more than likely never flew a friggin’ day in their lives ( I found one). Last time I heard of something like this, it was soon followed by a fragging. But these are more civilized times and the union thought it would be better to take out a full page ad in Wednesday’s USA TODAY addressed to “Our Valued Passengers” accusing the airline of a “program of intimidation to pressure your captain to reduce fuel loads.”

Here is part of the dispute

Since jet fuel has shot past labor as the airline industry’s largest expense there have been many changes; reducing carry on luggage, charging per suitcase, removing movie players, as well as other measures to reduce the overall weight.

Two things immediately come to mind;

1. I didn’t think not using enough fuel was an option?

2. When labor was the highest cost, did you throw staff out of the plane? And if so, from what altitude?

I mean really, how does this even work?

Let’s see, you are on a flight from Philly to Cleveland, but only have enough gas to get to Pittsburgh. What happens? Pilot gets on the intercom and says “Well folks, hotel motel time, you don’t have to go home you just can’t stay here!”

In all seriousness, I applaud the pilots for exposing this dirty little secret but I also wonder how long it’s going to be before they are looking for jobs now that no one in their right mind is going to get on one of these friggin’ planes. Note to pilots; you just whistle-blew yourselves out of existence…good luck with that!